How To Find Love Summary
● Love can be set as a goal and can be trained for. It’s not something you have to wait for or change your body, lifestyle, or financial status to earn.
● Build your confidence to talk to people and set healthy boundaries by counting your wins.
● Clearly define the kind of relationship you want to be in and review your goal daily, using cards or notes to keep it front of mind.
● Visualize the kind of relationship you want and the person you share it with. Focus on the things you’ll do and feel together rather than physical attributes.
● Uncover the negative language you use to talk to yourself and begin to change it.
Whenever someone sets a goal or resolution, the underlying reason is always for love. Want to make more money? You think that greater wealth and power will make you more lovable. Need to drop 20 pounds? You think that by looking better or being healthier you’ll win someone over (or keep him/her interested). Finally going to quit smoking? If you live longer you increase your chances of finding love, or of having more time to enjoy the love you’ve found.
Given that the pursuit, preservation, and full pleasure of romantic love is at the root of virtually every ambition we have, it seems ridiculous that love itself is rarely defined as the goal.
Look at our culture and you can see why. Due to a steady diet of Disney movies, pop songs, and other fantasy, most of us grow up believing that love is something you simply find by chance and, as with death and taxes, will eventually come to you. Sure, you’ll put in your time searching, suffering many betrayals, humiliations, and heartbreaks along the way, but—we’re told—as long as you stay the course, you’ll eventually find your special someone.
Thankfully, there’s a quicker, smoother way to get love into your life—the love you really want, and not one you’ll merely settle for. And it offers a much higher probability of lasting success.
Just as Onnit has unconventional views on training, we have an unconventional stance on matters of the heart as well. We believe that love can be targeted as a goal by itself, just as weight loss and business success can be, and that the mind and heart can be programmed to achieve and receive it. Love, therefore, isn’t something you find, but something you train for, just like a flat stomach or a bigger deadlift.
Start following the four-part plan we lay out here from Brian Grasso, Ph.D., a life coach and founder of the Mindset Performance Institute, and you can be well on your way to having the love of your life by St. Valentine’s Day.